I have always been so positive and hopeful in life. I always find reasons to be happy and look at life at its best. But now is completely different. I am having the most difficult time of my life. This is more than stressful and painful than being a brokenhearted. This year is definitely the worst year of my life. I have made terrible mistakes. I have caused pain to so many people. And I could never turn back time. I have so many regrets. There are so many thoughts in my head that I couldn't even tell to anyone even to the closest people to me. My parents don't know anything nor my friends. I have no courage to let them know what I am going through. I have realized that I am not stronger I thought I was. I am at my weakest point. I am trying so hard to pick up the pieces and get back on track but don't even know where to start. I have been working for the past 3 years and now that I've stopped working, am stuck here in my house. Finding a new job will definitely help me but how can I do that when I have parents who controls my life. There's nothing to hear from them but 'you have to do this. you have to do that or you can't work in the city'. Seriously, what the hell?? I wish I have the guts to tell them that 'Hey, I have a life that I wanna live the way I do'. But I can't. I hate myself for being the person that I am right now. This is not me. I know there are things that I must do to fix things but I need to find myself first. I have spent so much time and effort for other people. I even loved them so much only to get hurt. I have big dreams. There are so many things I wanna do. I wanna travel to different places. I wanna meet new people and make new friends. I wanna fall in love.

My dreams have been shattered. My priorities are disorganized. My heart is broken and never seem to heal. I am unemployed. I am so stressed. What else could be worse than this?

I need help but do not know to whom should I ask for it.

Friends are treasures. I'd do anything for my friend. That's how important they are to me. I really make an effort to show them that they are special. I'd like to believe that I am a good friend. But I still lose them and I don't know why.

He was a great friend. That's how I look at him. I spent time and effort just to show him how I value our friendship. I thought he'd so the same because I was his friend. Then my heart got involved. I fell in love with him. Was it really my fault? I mean, if only I knew it would ruin the friendship, I'd rather not fall for him. He stopped talking to me. It has been over a year. One time, I asked him what happened. I told him that if his reason was my feelings, that was lame because our friendship was more important than what I feel for him. He explained himself but it didn't fix anything. Yes, we do talk once in a while but only because we need to. I tried so hard to patch things up and save the friendship. I swallowed my pride until nothing is left to me. All I wanted was to bring things back the way they were. Now, I have nothing else to do to save the friendship. It's ruined. All because of my stupid heart who fell in love with a friend.

It makes me terribly sad. He was important to me. I value the friendship. It seemed like that the so-called friendship has a validity period. How sad was that. I never wanted to think that I wasted so much time for him because the one year that we've been talking almost everyday, sharing problems, going out for a dinner and movie was so much fun. I really missed those days.

I guess when the person is not genuine, he won't really give a damn if someone is hurt.

Friends are treasures. I'd do anything for my friend. That's how important they are to me. I really make an effort to show them that they are special. I'd like to believe that I am a good friend. But I still lose them and I don't know why.

He was a great friend. That's how I look at him. I spent time and effort just to show him how I value our friendship. I thought he'd so the same because I was his friend. Then my heart got involved. I fell in love with him. Was it really my fault? I mean, if only I knew it would ruin the friendship, I'd rather not fall for him. He stopped talking to me. It has been over a year. One time, I asked him what happened. I told him that if his reason was my feelings, that was lame because our friendship was more important than what I feel for him. He explained himself but it didn't fix anything. Yes, we do talk once in a while but only because we need to. I tried so hard to patch things up and save the friendship. I swallowed my pride until nothing is left to me. All I wanted was to bring things back the way they were. Now, I have nothing else to do to save the friendship. It's ruined. All because of my stupid heart who fell in love with a friend.

It makes me terribly sad. He was important to me. I value the friendship. It seemed like that the so-called friendship has a validity period. How sad was that. I never wanted to think that I wasted so much time for him because the one year that we've been talking almost everyday, sharing problems, going out for a dinner and movie was so much fun. I really missed those days.

I guess when the person is not genuine, he won't really give a damn if someone is hurt.