On October 13, exactly five years ago, the greatest sorrow of my life happened. It was the day that the man I loved the most left me. It was the day my heart was broken into pieces and until now, no one is able to fix it completely. He could have healed it only if he came back and didn't give up so soon. God knows how much I loved him. More than he could ever imagine. Until this day, his memories speak of disappointment, frustration, heartaches, and tears.

Too many times I have said that I will take him out of my life and move on. And again and again, I fail. So this time I will try again and I hope I can do it.

My first heartache with him started with Facebook. I saw a picture of him with a woman. I didn't have any right to react but it was so painful. I deactivated my Facebook account just so I cannot hear anything from him. What I do not know won't hurt me. But since all my cousins are using Facebook, I had to reactivate my account. After 4 months of not talking to each other (I really do not know why we stopped talking), he messaged me. It was a brief conversation. It didn't really made up the 4 months of no talking. Now he celebrates his birthday today. Through Facebook (again), I found out that he's going to have a celebration in his house. Everyone is invited but me. It's not that I am going if I was invited but am a bit disappointed. We used to talk almost everyday about anything and everything. He's like my best friend. In fact, one of my best guy friends.We also went out couple of times. An invite would have been enough. But I didn't get it. Last year, I had a cake delivered for him. I did the same thing today. It was a stupid to do. I've asked friends about it and only one supported my crazy plan. I thought it was sweet. When he received the cake, he sent a text message to say thank you and it was thoughtful of me. He really has changed or maybe, I really didn't know him that much. I will delete him in my life and it will start on Facebook. I deleted him in my list. Maybe I will just invite him again when I'm over him. I love him so much and sure it is going to be a painful process. I doubt it if he would notice I'm not on his list anymore. I thought he values the friendship but I was totally wrong. I should have known him better. I think things will be a lot easier if I will just pretend that we were never friends, that we're JUST classmates. He is the most impossible person yet I love him with all my heart but he's just hurting me. I have a life to live and love to find.

An update to my previous blog.

I have already talked to my guy friend and told him what had happened between me and his girlfriend. He said he knew about the email I sent and the reply I got from the girl. He thanked me for being so formal and nice. He also asked if I was offended. I said I understood the girl's reaction and it wasn't really a big deal to me. What he didn't know was the girl logging in in his YM and displaying a not so nice status messages. I told him all about it. Now he knows. ;p He also said that the girl just asked him couple of questions about me which I think is normal because she doesn't even know that her man is a bit close to me. Close in a sense that we can talk about anything and everything under the sun. I love talking to the guy because when he talks to me, he can be brutally honest which I totally appreciate. :)

Now that my friend already knows about it and am able to clear my name in the issue, I can breathe.

But the sad part, I don't intend to communicate with my guy friend like before because I wanna avoid issues that had happened. Obviously, the girl has the tendency of so much jealousy and I don't wanna be a cause of any of it. I don't wanna be the cause of any misunderstandings and fight either.

I just hope they are able to fix whatever problems they have in their relationship. I just want my friend to be happy. :)